Macintosh InsideFlyer Randy Petersen
This Macintosh computer is the first computer on which InsideFlyer magazine was composed. Photograph ©2017 by Brian Cohen.

Up to $3 Million in Apple Equipment for Transportation Security Administration Employees?

According to a supposedly official document available here, the Transportation Security Administration is requesting an order of up to $3,000,000.00 for electronic equipment and technology from Apple — including but not limited to computers, monitors, keyboards, iPads, iPods, iPhones, Apple TV, the Apple OS X operating system, extended warranties, repairs and other hardware and software for its employees — in order to “support specific areas of the Risk-Based Counter-Terrorism mission.”

Up to $3 Million in Apple Equipment for Transportation Security Administration Employees?

You see, the Transportation Security Administration “has identified an operational need to fill a gap in our current capabilities of equipment, software, and licensing to complete a variety of mission and business activities.” This includes graphics production for Internet and print marketing and communication, video capture, editing, production and distribution, forensics, investigations, IT security testing, training, presentations, secure mobile computing, application development, and the iTunes software to purchase applications for all of the equipment which they are requesting to purchase.

Three million dollars? Are you kidding me?!?

Okay, call it sour grapes, Transportation Security Administration, but I earned a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in communication design from one of the best art schools in the world. I have a proposal for you: I can do the graphics for you for considerably less than three million dollars. Heck, I will take one million dollars! How about that? I just saved you up to 66 percent already, and I will throw in the training and video requirements — I have extensive experience in graphics, photography, video production and editing, training and (obviously, I hope) writing, and you will get a much better product from me, along with excellent customer service — for no extra cost! No need to thank me; just send the contract my way and let’s get down to business.

Just think: no equipment about which to worry and maintain. No employees to hire — they want salary and benefits and vacation time. Meanwhile, I will be proud to perform my civic duty of serving the United States of America, this wonderful country of ours, and you will have more money with which to spend on other really important things, such as…er…um…you know…those other really important things that you want and need, whatever they are…

…and because I love to travel, I will use some of that one million dollars into purchasing airfare, meaning that I will need to go through airport security checkpoints more often, giving you more business and pumping some of that money you paid to me back into your pockets. You can then justify hiring two or even three additional Transportation Security Administration employees just to accommodate me. I will become a one-man economic recovery machine!


So what do you say, Transportation Security Administration? Are you with me here? You can get what you want and need for a mere fraction of what you are willing to spend and receive a better product than you can even hope to get otherwise, and FlyerTalk members will not complain nearly as much about you and joke about you, as they are doing here right now. I will not even go into their allegations about your employees currently stealing iPads and iPhones and post it here. Nope. Won’t do it. Fair?

I’m waiting for your answer, eagerly anticipating that million dollars which is about to come my way…

Photograph ©2017 by Brian Cohen.

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